Six reasons not to start a relationship
It may be easy get into a relationship when the opportunity presents itself. But are you really going into it for the right reasons? Here are some red flags you should take note of before making it official.
By April Zara Chua
Are you really in love with your partner or are you just in love with the idea of love and being half of a couple? Read on to find out the most common reasons why you shouldn’t commit right away — and how to avoid making the same mistakes.
1. You just don’t want to be alone
If you’re doing it to fill a ‘void’ within yourself or to avoid being single, it’s probably not the best way to kick off your romance with someone. First, it may not be fair to the other person, and second, you might even convince yourself into staying in a relationship that doesn’t necessarily give you genuine happiness or growth.
What you should do: If you’re feeling lonely because you’re single, try spending time with family and friends, or trying out new experiences such as learning a new skill, picking up a new hobby, or playing a sport you normally wouldn’t have tried.
How it’ll help you: Once you’re comfortable in your own company, you’ll gain confidence and start enjoying your ‘me-time’. And when you finally meet ‘The One’, you’ll be the best version of yourself.
2. You’re on the rebound
If your main objective is to prove to your ex that ‘you still got it’ or ‘you’re over them’, it is probably your ego talking. Not only will this hurt the person you’re going to a relationship with (especially if they really have feelings for you), you're also not giving yourself enough time to heal and grow.
What you should do: Look inward and reconnect with yourself as an individual. Take all the time you need to completely heal, even if it means sobbing over a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and watching The Notebook for the tenth time.
How it’ll help you: You’ll feel more at peace and not find yourself ‘competing’ with your ex on who gets to move on first. This break will allow you to refresh and rejuvenate yourself and be relationship-ready when you meet someone you can click with.
3. You don’t want to hurt their feelings
Perhaps you’re just not into them even if they seem to be a good catch! Sometimes, the chemistry simply isn’t there but you can't bear the thought of turning them down and hurting their feelings. While it may seem like you’re sparing them the heartbreak now by not turning them down, it’s actually the wrong reason to go into a relationship.
What you should do: Understand and acknowledge that it’s better for all parties to be in a relationship where their feelings are reciprocated. Be truthful to them early and don’t lead them on.
How it’ll help you: It’ll open you up for other possibilities to find someone you have more chemistry with, rather than committing to a relationship that just doesn’t feel right (and regretting it later).
4. You find it convenient
A convenient relationship is one that just fits into your schedule or doesn’t require much effort. Sure, there might not be much spark or chemistry but hey, you’ll settle for a ‘routine’ that isn’t that demanding of your time.
What you should do: It’s easy to fall prey to convenient relationships especially in today’s fast-paced world. Re-evaluate your intentions and find out what you truly want out of this — and aim for stability instead of convenience.
How it’ll help you: You'll have a better understanding of your needs and wants. You may even discover that it's just the company you’re enjoying and you may be better off as friends, leaving you free to meet more new people and explore better possibilities.
5. You enjoy the free dinners (and the gifts!)
Let’s face it! Everyone loves to be showered with nice (expensive) things. Perhaps, you’ve grown accustomed to a certain kind of lifestyle and you're drawn to people who can help you achieve that. But if you’re going into a relationship with someone for the sole purpose of seeking financial stability, it’s time for another reality check.
What you should do: Step back and try to visualise your relationship. Will you still want to be with that person minus all the glitz and glamour? If your answer is no, focus instead on becoming financially independent by thriving in your career and making more money for yourself.
How it’ll help you: Once you’re self-sufficient, you won’t have to rely on anyone for your happiness. This will allow you to cherish your partner for who they really are and not because of what they can provide you.
6. Your family and friends love your partner
Yes, the opinion of your family and friends may matter to you when it comes to your significant other. But just because they’re all crazy over your partner, doesn’t mean you have to convince yourself that you are too. When it comes to finding love, don’t let yourself succumb to peer pressure. Perhaps hold off on saying yes to the relationship until you’re really sure.
What you should do: Take stock of the situation. How strong are your feelings for your partner? Or are you just going along for the ride because everyone else has given their approval? You also need to acknowledge and understand that it’s ultimately your opinion (and how you feel about the situation) that matters— and not what others think.
How it’ll help you: You’ll come out of this more assured about what you truly want in a romantic partner. And once you find someone you have genuine feelings for (and is reciprocating), the possibility of having a stronger bond and happier relationship is higher.
In all relationships, it's important to build a solid foundation right from the start to make sure you are going into it because you really want to. If you see any of these red flags, it's best to re-assess and listen to your inner-self before making the commitment!