Not sure how to talk to that special someone? Confused by mixed signals? Send us your questions and we’ll consult relationship experts on your behalf!

Please click here to submit your question.

Finding a life partner

• Hi I would like to find a partner for myself but not sure how to get one for myself.

• Reply: "The first thing you can do is start expanding your social circle and go out on dates. The more people you meet, the chances of you meeting someone compatible will increase.
  
  You could also ask your friends if they know of anyone they can set you up with. At the same time, there are plenty of singles events, dating agencies, dating sites and apps available for you!
  
  Regards,
  Dolly Chua, Chief Matchmaker of GaiGai
  
  With a database of quality clientele, personalised one to one matching, experienced dating practitioners, and weekly events, GaiGai is one of the largest and fastest-growing offline dating agencies in Singapore."

Dating

• What should I do to appear more interesting? And how long before they see through this facade?

• Reply: "It is important to know you shouldn't have to put on an act when it comes to being interesting. If you continue telling yourself that you're uninteresting, it is likely that people will not find you interesting too. When you understand that being interesting is a lifestyle change, you wouldn't have to worry about others seeing through the facade.
  
  The good news is everyone has the potential to be interesting. When you start leading an exciting life and spend time with interesting people you will start to develop confidence in being a more interesting person. There are several way to kick start that:
  
  Invest your time in learning and exploring new knowledge, skills and interests. Talk to more people and listen to what others are saying to seek out new opinions and ideas while forming your own. Read more books, learn more facts, or listen to podcasts. There is a ton of information and materials out there available.
  
  Break out of your regular routine. Be hungry to enhance your life with new experiences. Go out and do something fun to explore new activities. It is important to be sociable. Get comfortable with being a good story teller in social settings. Learn how to captivate your audience when talking about your personal experience or sharing opinion. You want to be able showcase who you are and what you know. The more interesting you sound, the more interesting you become.
  
  Remember you would first have to be convinced that you are an interesting person in order for others to believe so too!
  
  Regards,
  Dolly Chua, Chief Matchmaker of GaiGai
  
  With a database of quality clientele, personalised one to one matching, experienced dating practitioners, and weekly events, GaiGai is one of the largest and fastest-growing offline dating agencies in Singapore."

Shy

• I am currently single, in my early 30s and have never dated before. I am quite shy around women. It has caused me problems as I am too nervous to approach them to start a conversation or even ask them out on a date. What can I do?

• Reply: "Do you have female colleagues and friends around you? You can start by striking a conversation with them. Think of questions that will prolong your conversation with them and allow you to understand them better.
  
  If you are nervous to speak to new ladies face to face, you might want to try dating apps first and chat with them online until you are comfortable to meet up with them.
  
  For a long term solution, you may consider joining toastmasters clubs, which are public speaking platforms, to improve up your communication skills and build your confidence level.
  
  Best regards,
  Michelle Goh
  Founder, CompleteMe
  CompleteMe provides premium dating events as a platform for singles to enlarge their social circle and self-improvement workshops for singles to improve their date-ability."

Should I text him first?

• I met a guy through a mutual friend. We got along well and exchanged numbers. It’s been a week and he hasn’t contacted me. Should I text him first?

• Reply: "After a date, there is nothing wrong with sending a guy a simple message like: "Hey! I just wanted to say that I had a good time tonight. Thanks." Probably, he feels the same way and will reply you. If he doesn't, what difference would it make? At least you know now. You are transparent with your feelings. If he's a decent person, he will respond in kind by being open too. So instead of playing a guessing game, you can take the first step to establish openness and authenticity early in the relationship, which is good.
  
  By being upfront, you are also showing courage. Don't be afraid to express your feelings. This doesn't mean that you have to be ‘pushy’. It means that you're not afraid to reach out first. Some women have the misconception that men will be turned off by women who are honest and upfront. But that’s not necessarily true in most cases. A sincere person is hard to come by. If anything, your guy will probably be impressed by your openness.
  
  If both of you are avoiding texting each other first out of fear, eventually you'll start to forget the good feelings you felt when you saw each other. Your fond memories will fade. Don't delay things too much. If he's taking too long to contact you, then text him first and get things going. I wish you all the best!
  
  Best regards,
  Deon Chan
  Founder of Love Express
  
  Love Express organises more than 200 events each year and has since reached out to 20,000 singles in Singapore."

Learning to let go

• I just broke up with my boyfriend because he is hesitant about planning a future with me and refused to give me an answer immediately. I was hurt because I felt I wasted 1.5 years on him. During our last meeting, he commented that he did not like my looks and how I walk. Then there was an outburst of his past relationships that I was not aware of. I felt cheated. Do you think he will come back again?

• Reply: "Learning to let go of a past relationship is important so that it does not prevent you from moving forward. While time is the best healer, learning how to self-love is important. There are some concrete steps that you can do. For example, you can make peace with the past. After a separation from a relationship, it’s normal to feel angry and hurt. But when we hold on to anger and resentment from past experiences we integrate them into the future which is unhealthy. Nothing hurts more than when someone you love does something that causes you to re-evaluate who you believed them to be. But letting what someone else said or did in the past to limit your ability to move forward means they still exert control over your life. Forgiveness isn’t about pardoning his bad behaviour; it is about you having personal control over your emotions and moving on.
  
  Moving on from a past relationship that wasn’t working is about loving yourself. Believing that you deserve to be in a loving relationship with someone who shares your values and treats you well requires that you view yourself in a positive light. If just the thought of this seems daunting because your inner dialogue is filled with self-doubt, you may consider enlisting the help of a professional dating coach or an image consultant to boost your confidence and self-esteem. In hindsight, you may feel that there are things you could have done differently, but it is impossible to know what different outcomes could have been. Blaming yourself is a futile waste of energy that only brings about negative emotions and delays the healing process. Instead, choose to turn the pain into a learning opportunity to gain self-mastery. Every relationship, can teach you something about yourself and give you a greater clarity about what you need in order to be happy. I wish you all the best!
  
  Regards,
  Deon Chan
  Founder of Love Express
  Love Express organises more than 200 events each year and has since reached out to 20,000 singles in Singapore."

Should I learn to let go?

• My ex and I just broke up not long ago, he was the one who brought it up and seeing that he is already tired with this relationship, I agreed. We broke up peacefully and he said that it would be better for us to remain as friends and we still talk occasionally. However, all along I still love him and I was just wondering if I should continue to hold on to some glimmer of hope?
  
  The problem between us is that the way we see relationships is on a very different wavelength. He is willing to sacrifice everything for love while I would still have other priorities like friends, family and work on top of him. As a result, I guess our expectations from each other are different because of the different way we see love, even though we do understand that none of us is wrong in our thinking. I tried to change by prioritising him more, but at the same time he says he's tired of it, and he doesn't want me to forcefully change my thinking or decisions just to suit him. If it was meant to be, then perhaps one day my views on relationship would come to align with his (either because of growing up or after entering the workforce etc) instead.
  
  The thing is, I don't understand what's wrong with me trying to change and align my views with him. But it seems to make him unhappy still. I don't know if there's such a thing called "naturally" changing over time due to environment. But to me, doesn't change always necessarily come with effort? So if I'm willing to put in the effort to change, I don't see what is the problem?
  
  With this underlying problem between us, even if we were to get back together, is it a matter of time before we are troubled by the same issue again?

• Reply: "“Will you be troubled by the same issue again” is a “what if” question, which may or may not happen. Let us take a step back to have a better understanding of the situation.
  
  From what you have shared, this sounds like a situation about values. In life, your ex values love as top priority, whereas on the other hand, you do value love, but it might not be the top priority for you. As he values love, he would love to spend more time with you, but you might be unable to do so at times due to other priorities. It is common that both parties view things differently and there is no right or wrong to it, but you have to also understand how he would have felt due to this misalignment of values.
  
  There is definitely nothing wrong with you trying to change to align your values with his, but I believe he wants you to be happy and not change because of him. He wishes you to be true to your values. Values may change due to the circumstances such as growing up or entering workforce, not only yours might change. His values might change too. As for now, it takes two hands to clap to make the relationship work. If he is hesitant, it might be better to remain as friends first and see what this brings. Keep an open mind and do not put too much pressure on yourself. I wish you all the best.
  
  Best regards,
  Michelle Goh
  Founder of CompleteMe
  
  CompleteMe helps singles find their happiness through dating events, especially specialising in speed dating events."

Living Together

• I am seeing a guy and his main consideration for progressing into marriage is that the couple has to live together to really get to know each other.
  I am a Roman Catholic and come from a traditional family background with the mentality that if two people are really committed within the sanctity of marriage then they will make the relationship work.
  Moreover, I am 37 years old and he is just 30 years old. I do not have a luxury of time to test, try and decide.
  What should I do? I want to develop a meaningful relationship but unsure if I should forego my beliefs and upbringing and take the risk that I may end up alone eventually anyway.

• Reply: "From your sharing, it seems that your worries are linked to your beliefs and values about marriage, as well as the perception that time is not on your side being slightly older. As much as I agree that your concerns are valid, I also encourage you to recognise that all relationships come with challenges – as there are no perfect relationships or individuals.
  
  Relationships and love are not about when, but how and who.
  
  A good relationship is nurtured by conversations, feelings and emotions. My suggestion for you is to give it a good thought – ask yourself questions to understand why you want to be with your partner in the first place. Remind yourself of the values you see in him in comparison to your own values. Find a suitable time and place to have an open conversation with your partner about your concerns, as well as values and expectations about relationships and marriage.
  
  Talk through possible scenarios that may occur by living together before marriage and their corresponding consequences. If possible, reach a decision that both of you are comfortable with. You are the one who truly knows what you want and are looking for in a partner.
  
  I wish you all the best!
  
  Regards,
  Dolly Chua, Chief Matchmaker of GaiGai
  
  Being the platform of meaningful connections between singles, GaiGai not only offers a discreet and personalised modern matchmaking service for each and every individual; GaiGai also holds weekly singles networking events ranging from fun Laser Tag Drone events to Saturday Kickback & Relax brunch dates."

Is it alright for guys to keep photos of other girls in their phones?

• My boyfriend keeps photos of a skimpily-dressed woman in his phone and told me that guys have their needs sometimes and need to look at these photos to prevent 'accidents'. Is this answer acceptable?

• Reply: "In every relationship, there are issues with grey areas which can only be deemed acceptable or unacceptable by the individuals involved in the relationship itself.
  
  As such, it is up to you to personally decide if your boyfriend having those sort of pictures in his phone is acceptable or not, as well as his answer of why he is keeping the pictures.
  
  If the pictures and his answer makes you feel uncomfortable or have self-doubt, it will be good to have an honest and open conversation with your boyfriend.
  
  Don't let negative emotions take over your conversation, such as having an accusatory tone. Calmly let him know how the pictures and his answer make you feel.
  
  When it comes to relationships, romantic or not, there is a certain amount of give and take. If you and your boyfriend truly value each other as partners, there is always an opportunity to reach a compromise which will be acceptable to both parties without having to be completely different from your authentic selves.
  
  I wish you all the best in your relationship, and hope both you and your boyfriend can come to a mutual agreement!
  
  Happy dating!
  
  Regards,
  Violet Lim
  CEO of esync
  
  The first online-to-offline dating service of its kind, esync allows singles to view their most compatible matches based on 16 areas of compatibilities. Upon a mutual match and interest, esync dating consultants will arrange an offline date and handle the coordination for the clients."

How to not be a clingy, needy person?

• Lately, I have a broken relationship with my ex-boyfriend and was told that I didn't give him space. He ended up meeting someone else behind my back and was caught red-handed twice by me. I was extremely upset. I had to let him go because I cannot accept my partner cheating on me behind my back.
  
  I didn't realise the importance of giving him space because to me, being with him, by his side, makes me happy. What have I done wrong? Am I selfish? I feel regret loving him so much, because I felt like I'm the only one in pain after the break up.
  
  I really want to change for the better (i.e. not clingy) for my next relationship. But what should I do? I've been crying for days and I want to stop it. I do not have any friends to hang out with. And they were really busy with their stuff.
  
  This relationship really scarred me.

• Reply: "I'm sorry to hear about your recent breakup. It's completely normal to still think about why it happened, or even questioned whether you are the one to blame for the break-up. No matter what the reason is, there is no excuse for cheating and lying. He is not the right one for you – and from here onward, I would like you to focus on yourself. Take a step back and reassess your priorities. Many times in a relationship, we end up being moulded into someone more suitable for our partners, which may not necessarily be our authentic selves. So a breakup is actually a good opportunity to see what’s important to you, which may put you on the right path to your next relationship.
  
  Ultimately, being in a relationship is not about making yourself complete – you need to be complete by yourself first before getting into a relationship. You can do this by doing more things that you enjoy doing. Take new classes, go on trips, embark on activities you have always wanted to try – keep yourself busy.
  
  You can’t put a timeline on it. Basically you need to be honest with yourself – you’ll definitely know when you’re still mourning over the loss of a relationship, or if you’re okay. When you are ready to date again, do remember that a relationship is built on mutual trust and respect. For a relationship to work, there needs to be give and take, acceptance and adjustments.
  
  There is no right or wrong answer on being too clingy or needy. What someone thinks is 'being needy', another person may not think so. So, in any relationship, there needs to be compromise from both parties. Having an open and honest communication for you to express how you feel is important.
  
  Ultimately, if your boyfriend loves you enough, and he wants you to be happy, he would meet you somewhere in the middle. Similarly, you need to be understanding and accommodating enough meet him halfway too.
  
  Regards,
  Violet Lim
  CEO of esync"

Which to choose?

• I am in a dilemma about which guy I should choose to be my boyfriend. Guy A: He is my friend's brother. I enjoy talking to him and he also likes the fact that we can have decent conversations. I like his humour and intellect and it is always easy for us to find a topic to talk about. However, he is not sensitive and a little stingy. He is selective about replying to my messages and I find this annoying sometimes. Guy B: I met this guy recently. He is my colleague. He is generous.He praises me for being cute, wants me to be his girlfriend and always tries to ask me out. We do not have many common topics to talk about and he likes to talk about his work. This is fine with me for now but I am not sure if he will bore me in the future. Please advise.

• Reply: "It really depends which stage of life you are in right now. Are you just looking for a boyfriend, someone you can have fun with and hang out with, or are you actually looking for a potential life partner, someone that you will be spending the rest of your life with?
  
  If it is the latter, it is important that consider whether you share common values and life goals. From what you have shared, it seems that you have more in common with A but you do not like that he does not reply to you as often as you would like, and he’s insensitive and a bit stingy. For B, you like that he’s generous, he praises you and he is very keen i.e. he does not play “hot and cold”.
  
  Based on what you have shared, I do not think there’s enough evidence that either of them would be a suitable partner for you. When looking for a life partner, you want to find someone whom you share common values and life goals with, someone who respects you and does not play games with you, and someone who is not just out to flatter you, but also someone who will be there for you through ups and downs, thick and thin. One of my favourite wedding sayings is, “Today, I marry my best friend, the one I laugh with, live for, dream with and love!”
  
  Take your time to get to know both A and B better. Be patient and take your time to discover whether either one of them is the one for you.
  
  All the best!
  
  Regards,
  Violet Lim
  CEO of esync
  
  The first online-to-offline dating service of its kind, esync allows singles to view their most compatible matches based on 16 areas of compatibilities. Upon a mutual match and interest, esync dating consultants will arrange an offline date and handle the coordination for the clients."

1|2|3|